THE DAY YOU RETIRE, WILL YOU REJOICE OR CRY?
Many retirees struggle once the big day arrives, and the question is – have you planned for life now, or are you postponing it to ‘someday’?
As young professionals entering the workforce, we are motivated by success. Building a career is of paramount importance. We must climb the corporate ladder, everybody tells us we must hustle!
This is all well and good. However, don’t fall into the trap of building a résumé and neglecting to build a life…
Many retirees face significant difficulties when the big day arrives and find the days that follow their retirement date difficult to navigate.
Do you have a plan to live your life fully now, or are you planning a comfortable life “someday” when you are retired?
The myth of ‘someday’
Do you remember all those things you said you would do “someday”? The guitar gathering dust in the corner? The novel you intend to write when you have more time, the family holiday to Mauritius when things settle down.
Many people have mental catalogues of “someday”. Someday I will start my hobby again, someday I will teach my children or grandchildren how to fish or bake a cake. Someday I will have long dinners with friends without checking my phone every five minutes…
Let me debunk the myth of “someday”. “Someday” never comes. If you do not buckle down and do it, it will never happen. “Someday” is a lie we tell ourselves. While you are waiting for the perfect moment, life is happening right now.
Don’t trade irreplaceable moments for forgettable conference calls and meaningless business lunches. Our parents and loved ones are getting older as we speak, and so are we. Insignificant family gatherings and what may seem like “wasted time” to you may mean the world to a parent, a child or a grandchild. Don’t waste it…
When you walk into your study or lounge the day after you retire and the silence of “nothing” surrounds you, when you realise that from today onwards, you will not be required to be at the office at 8am or attend the weekly meeting, will you smile with a sigh of relieve and start planning your new week or will you shed a tear because tomorrow looks dark and empty?
From today forward, start working on building a life, even if you have already retired and failed doing so over the past 30 or 50 years. Don’t get me wrong, building resources and wealth to retire independently is crucial, but not at the expense of living.
The connection with family and loved ones will lighten up the dark days ahead, and believe me, there will be dark days, more for some than for others.
What is success?
In our pressured society, success is too often measured by titles, wealth accumulated, and the size of the property we own. These are all well and good, but will this “success” leave you feeling fulfilled or empty when you sit and reflect on your life?
When my family and I sit and reminisce about the past, we talk about the fun times we had, including getting lost on Table Mountain while hiking, getting stuck on the beach with a friend’s beach buggy, rebuilding a washed-away bridge in Mozambique, baking “soetkoekies” with my mother, having a “bokdrol-spoeg” competition while hiking, and ending up in the snow in Ceres after losing the track we were on.
I can’t recall any event we often refer to that involved elaborate expense or a huge outlay. Everything relates to personal shared experiences, and many of them include hardships. One does not need a lot of money to build memories or lead a meaningful, successful life.
As I mentioned in a previous article, money does not guarantee happiness, but the pursuit of riches and the sacrifices you make on the way to achieving wealth can harm many relationships. Be careful which side the scale tips when you make the choice.
Many company executives face depression when they retire, and much of it is due to the realisation that the success they perceived is empty.
When you retire and reflect on the past 30 years, will you be able to:
Recall at least 10 significant family holidays? Were your parents part of any of the holidays?
Do you recall your children’s first day at school? Did you take them to school and walk them in?
Did you have “the talk” with your young son and daughter? Were you there to guide them into adulthood?
Acknowledge that you attended most crucial school sports events, school plays, awards ceremonies, or anything else of relevance to your children.
Do you remember your children’s matric farewell?
Did you take your children on their first driving lesson?
Did your children discuss their love and heartache with you?
Where were you when your grandchild was born?
How much time did you spend alone with your children? And with your grandchildren? Ironically, grandchildren seem to get away with much more than our own children did and that sometimes includes time.
Your future self is a stranger
Do you, by any chance, have an old diary of your own? Say one where you were in your 20s. Do you recognise the person who wrote it? Often, dreams were expressed that you had forgotten about. Somehow and somewhere, we got buried under debt and performance metrics.
It is inevitable that we will change as we age. The problem is not that we change, but that we do so without noticing. All our small compromises over time change us into someone we don’t recognise when we turn 60.
Missing a dinner to finish a work report, skipping a rugby match of our child because we were tired, skip a family weekend break away for a business trip. Add all the “slip-ups” and the result is meaningful.
What would your 25-year-old-self think of you as a person today? (not your bank account or wealth). Would they be excited, or would they be confused about how you ended up here?
I often refer to the effect of compounding. Not just interest compounding, but compounding in all walks of life. Everything in life has this effect that adding small events continuously ends up in a major event. Compounding relationships and experiences is no different.
Compounding has the same effect on things that you do not do. Every conversation that you do not have with your spouse because you’re tired compounds. Every coffee date you skip compounds.
Every bedtime story you skip compounds. Unfortunately, unlike money, you cannot make up for lost time with a single big deposit later.
However, the reverse is also true. Every genuine conversation compounds. Every small adventure compounds. Every shared laugh compounds. These tiny investments in actually living create returns you can’t measure in rand.
It doesn’t matter what stage of life you’re at, whether 25 or 65. Don’t add regret to the things that weigh you down. Don’t feel sorry for yourself; start small. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Learn something new, something that you never thought of before, even if it’s weird. Be brave, say yes to something that will brighten up your mood and life, even if it doesn’t make financial sense.
Find something that will interest you for a long time to come. Do it regularly and do it well (by your standards). Speak to your inner kid and find that “stuff” that used to interest you. It’s your time to shine.
Work hard, for sure. Build wealth, without a doubt. But remember, the only way to build a good life is to live it, not to admire it from a distance when you are too tired to enjoy it.
Live without regret.
