THE 4 PHASES OF RETIREMENT – AND HOW TO THRIVE IN EACH
The journey to freedom isn’t just financial. From the honeymoon phase to rediscovery, true retirement begins when you tame your inner critic.
Many people start their careers with the end in mind. I try hard to remember any conversation with colleagues, friends or clients who were in their 30s and aspired to work into their 70s and beyond. All the conversations that I remember hinged around how early everyone wanted to retire. Since the earliest retirement age is set at 55, most young people use that as their target and further state that if there were a way to bring that date forward, they would retire earlier.
The above vision and aspirations are mainly driven by the idea of freedom. Freedom to do what you want, when you want to do it. To run wild, travel the world, play golf, and relax in the sun. It is interesting how this vision and “want” change as one gets older. I was not indifferent. In the past years, I always stated that I would like to retire at 55.
As I progressed in life and started experiencing the realities of what it takes to retire, my views made a complete U-turn. I am thankful that I did not push through with my early retirement dream. On the other hand, I feel sorry for my colleagues who will now have to deal with an “old folk” in the business one day. But, I believe, “old folk” have much to offer.
Baby boomers and older traditionalists often find it challenging to deal with the modern, tech-savvy, bright new-age professionals. They still like the feel of paper, to get a phone call and not a cryptic message, to look someone in the eye and feel a warm human handshake and enjoy a cup of coffee together.
I find it very rewarding to visit my retired clients and have meaningful discussions about everyday matters without any time constraints. I enjoy sharing the things they cherish most, like my time and theirs. Their appreciation of my time cannot be measured in monetary terms. As I guide them through financial and life planning, I also learn from them.
All retirees have experienced the four phases of retirement. Some are still stuck in one of these phases and struggle to move forward. I have advised many of my clients for over 20 years, and what I have learnt from them during that time, I can apply to others to prepare for or manage the challenges of retirement. Often, the challenges leading up to and during retirement bring out the inner-critic. This hypercritical alter ego can be your worst enemy if not kept in check.
In the past, I have written about the concept of PERMA in Positive psychology. This article aligns with PERMA but with a slightly different perspective. Let’s explore the four stages of retirement. Many people spend most of their time and effort planning to ensure they can retire financially independent and enjoy a good life in the next phase of their lives. Doing this is essential; however, too little attention is given to planning the journey retirement will take you on.
Phase 1: The vacation or honeymoon phase.
The honeymoon phase lasts approximately one year. This is the time to catch up and enjoy all those things you never had time for. You can sleep late, laze on the beach, stroll on the golf course and visit coffee shops and restaurants from morning till night. This is fantastic, until boredom steps in.
Phase 2: Feeling loss and feeling lost.
The Big 5
Loss of routine. We are creatures of habit, and not having a routine can cause chaos with planning your day.
Loss of identity. When you no longer feel recognised and respected for who you are, whether as a senior manager, community leader, teacher, doctor, or in any other role, a sense of worth can begin to fade.
Loss of purpose. When you start feeling that you are no longer needed or wanted, you may begin to question your purpose.
Loss of power. Once, you were the company executive or business leader, the person others looked up to and relied on to make decisions. You controlled budgets and expenses, decided on training programmes, and instructed who and when to employ someone. You determined where and how deep to make the cuts. When none of this is required any longer, the feeling that you have lost your power can negatively affect your psyche.
Loss of relationships. While working, you are part of a close-knit circle of colleagues, some of whom become friends, and you spend many hours together. As soon as you leave your employment, many of those relationships will fade.
When you approach retirement or are in your early retirement, you do not expect the above and do not see it coming. This often leads to the three Ds:
Divorce
Depression
Decline – physical and mental
The fear and anxiety faced by many retirees lead to increased depression. Statistics in the US show a significant rise in divorce and suicides within the retirement community since 2020.
The loss of relationships leads to loneliness and social isolation, which can increase the risk of heart disease and stroke by 30%. A World Health Organisation report linked loneliness and social isolation to 871 000 deaths globally each year.
Phase 3: Trial and error
Here the question: “How do I make my life meaningful again?” begins to be asked. Start exploring hobbies, teach others skills you may have, learn new skills, start a business, etc. Try new things and establish new relationships. Keep trying and continue experimenting. When people fail, they often revert to Phase 2, and now the challenge is to start over again, but that’s okay. You have time on your side, and hopefully, you have made some friends along the way.
Phase 4: Rewire and reinvent
Here, tough questions must be answered. What am I doing here? What is my purpose?
Many people find it fulfilling to help others. Psychology shows us that it feels better to give than to receive. If you can, offer support to others. It doesn’t have to be material or monetary; it could be time, a listening ear, or simply sitting quietly with someone to ease loneliness.
Many people find their “mojo” in one of the four stages. Some constantly move between the four stages. Wherever you find comfort, stick to it and embrace it to ensure a happy, successful retirement.
Don’t get me wrong, there will always be challenges, and some may become more difficult than others. Physical and mental decline is part of the process, and we cannot avoid it. Ignore what you cannot control and focus on what you can. Here, I want to warn you against your inner-critic.
Understanding your inner-critic
Declining as we age is a natural process. However, in our 60s and some in their 70s, we still feel like the 20-year-old in mind and spirit. We still think we can sprint the 100 metres in 11 seconds, jump over the 1.5 metre fence (please don’t try), or catch the thief and make him pay. We can’t!
Muscle mass and strength begin to decline in our late 30s at a rate of between 0.5% and 1% per year, a condition known as sarcopenia. After the age of 60, this decline accelerates significantly. Other changes that contribute to perceived weakness include bone density loss and shifts in body composition, such as changes in the ratio of fat mass to muscle mass as our muscle mass decreases.
It is not unusual to start noticing that one’s balance and coordination begin to fade. We tend to drop things more often, and our hands become a little more clumsy. Our steps aren’t as firm as they used to be, and chairs seem to get lower each year. It is probably wiser to avoid ladders and roofs. What used to be simple tasks and everyday physical activities become more challenging, and as we begin to fail more often, we become our own worst enemy by releasing our inner critic.
When the going gets tough and we make mistakes and fail, we need self-compassion the most. However, for most of us, instead of a compassionate voice, a harsh self-critical voice that beats us up mentally begins pounding in our heads and even exits our mouths. We are our own worst critics. We need to understand what stops us from being self-compassionate before it can grow.
Be mindful of your inner critic and the impact this voice has on your emotions and motivation. Not only does it affect you, but it also influences those around you. People nearby notice (and can hear) your inner critic, and it is not pleasant for them to observe this almost self-destructive pattern.
How do we tame our inner critic? Answer the following questions and who knows, maybe it can just help you to be less critical of yourself.
Which parts of you or your life are you most critical of?
How does your self-criticism show itself? Do you use insults? Do you try to understand your limitations?
What is it like to be self-critical?
What kind of language do you use when you are self-critical?
How would you react if someone else used the same tone to criticise you as you do when you criticise yourself?
If you wouldn’t allow this, how come you permit your inner critic to treat you like this?
Following your criticism, do you feel motivated to pursue self-improvement, or do you feel beaten down?
What could you do to replace the voice of the inner critic?
Good luck out there. Grasp retirement firmly and squeeze every bit of fun and joy from it. Make it meaningful and make a difference.
